Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Lighting the fire in me

Here I am again...dusting myself off and getting back out there. It seems like it's been forever. And if you look at my stats via DailyMile & Nike+ GPS, it has been a long time. But I can either sit here and continue to hem and haw while getting myself worked up over the glaring training plan staring at me, or actually do something about it. I chose to do something about it.

I had to look long and hard at my training plan since I haven't kept up with it lately. And then I had to re-evaluate what I really wanted my goals to be for the upcoming 1/2 marathon and just with my running as a whole. I needed to stop comparing myself to other runners and focus on ME. I basically started to get depressed and it took a beating on my self-esteem. I almost started to resent running and wanted to give it up but deep down wasn't willing to throw in the towel completely. I know what I can do. It's just a matter of keeping those goals and focus on how much I have accomplished and continue to push on.

So Sunday was the start to a new week and the weekend was our first decent break from the nasty rainy weather we had been having. I basically psyched myself up all morning to get up the nerve and motivation to open the front door and just do it. I was more nervous about having to just walk the entire workout than anything. While getting any miles in is a huge accomplishment just thinking of walking made me feel like a failure. I put on some tunes, focused on the horizon and took in my surroundings. Suddenly, I had been jogging for more than 1/2 a mile. Then I heard the kind lady tell me I was more than halfway through my run. I was no longer anxious over the 'what ifs'. Instead I was focused on getting it done. And I did...and I was so, so happy and relieved.

I continued to ride the new wave that started to come over me and joined a small women's running group on Monday. They've been doing a group fun run every Monday for months but in true Erica fashion, I was too chicken and nervous to try it out. I know I needed it--it would keep me consistent and since it was very laid back there is no pressure. I *loved* it! The women were so nice and there were no expectations on a particular pace or distance. Most of us (there were 6 total and the first time they have had that many) stuck to just an out & back 2 miler. We all briefly chatted about our weekends, some aches & pains and what our plans were for future races. The weather was perfect and I am really looking forward to future runs with them.

I'm not too sure what it is exactly that has lighted the fire within me. Maybe I needed the extra push? A break? Both? In any case, this week is turning out to be one of the best running weeks I have had in a very long time. I'm hitting not only my mileage goals but some great times considering I have to use 2 inhalers until further notice (still something I'm not happy about but I'd rather be able to breathe & run than not doing anything). Let's hope it continues this way and only gets better. I've been leaning a lot on my running buddies and continue to be grateful for them sticking with me as go through this.

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