Ch-ch-changes

Ah, here we are. The start of a new year. The time of year where everyone starts reflecting on where they are in life and how far they have moved forward or backward. Usually I dread the New Year, but this year it's different. I feel different. I feel stronger. Or maybe I feel empowered? Or maybe it's confidence? Whatever it is, I like it. It's something that I haven't felt in a very long time or maybe ever. 

You wouldn't know it since I never blogged about it and hardly shared much here in the past year, but I did a lot of work on myself in the past 9 months. I had lost myself in a sea of worrisome thoughts and anxiety. I neglected to take care of myself first and it showed. I put on what I thought was a brave face and this bravado that I could do anything, but in reality everyone around me knew better. Everyone except me---until it was too much to bear and things started to fall apart {for example, remember my consistency to train for another half marathon that totally fizzled? Case in point.}. I took some time to learn more about myself and my needs and what I wanted. I learned that a little goes a long way...not just 'going big or go home'. With each piece that I chipped away at myself, I started to see that I could be the person that I longed to be. I could be the mom my sons needed, the wife that my husband missed, and the friend/sister/daughter that I wanted. 

And so, it's here: 2012. New year, new goals and first & foremost: don't bite off more than I can chew. So my first goal (and only one at the moment) for 2012 is to log 35 miles before the big 3-5. Ah, yes confession #2: I have a birthday coming up. For some it's a milestone birthday---one that comes before the big four-oh, but to me, I just can't believe that *I* will be celebrating number 35. I really don't remember my previous birthdays. Sure there were some that were more memorable than others, but this is the year that I wanted to do something that I could really be proud of. Something that *I* am doing for myself and no one else. And while it isn't going to be bragging about completing the inaugural Tinkerbell 1/2 marathon at Disneyland, well, this is the next best thing. It's doable. And that is all that matters to me right now.

As far as future goals...they're in the back of my mind. They pop up when I'm in the shower or those rare quiet moments when the kids are playing peacefully, the laundry is done and dinner is almost ready. I'll jot them down and hope to share them here as I can. In the meantime, this busy mama is ready for changes.